I have posted two articles on the vine this is my third and the hardest to write. If you asked me six months ago what was my belief was I would have said atheist. I would have told you that there was no amount of proof that would make me believe in god (God) but today I am conflicted. The rumblings of faith occur in that part of me that I cannot quantify. I could list it off as an old man who is afraid but that would not be factual. There is not much I fear. I could list it off as being in declining health but that would be wrong. I could pass it off as a bad case of gas but GasX does not help.
I do know this I follow two people on Newsvine Socrates 1 and Cowboygrandpa. I first came to Newsvine from an article shared in one of my classes by a student written by Socrates 1 an ardent right winger. I so thoroughly disagreed with it that I went and became a member. My family and my student assistant have helped me take part in this forum and made my participation possible. Thanks to them. I came across Cowboygrandpa through a vanity. My nickname is Space Cowboy I was given that early in life by my older brother. My wife was intrigued by Cowboygrandpa’s name and she clicked and read his article. It was religious in nature and I scoffed at it. I even I posted a trademark atheist reply to it. I expected to get the typical response of gnashing teeth and wailing that is typical in for such responses. What I got back was indeed atypical. What I got back was a reply grounded in his beliefs yet he also respected mine. I took notice and I followed. I have agreed with him where our agreement was common and I respected his belief as he did mine. I as a result began to raise the same questions I had when I first question my faith and found it lacking when atheism was the rational and scientific approach. I began to question who am I and what is my relationship to the other in this world. I seem to have come full circle in my argument. The things which drove me from the Roman Catholic Church are still there and I could never be a catholic in good conscious again but I am left with the unspoken challenge of cowboygrandpa. I have proved what I have to say by example prove what you say and I just cannot do it.
This leaves me with a unenviable position of the reassessment reexamination of my thoughts and beliefs.
Socrates (the real one not Socrates1) said, "an unexamined life is not worth living". Where these thoughts will lead me I do not know but they are an imperative and must be met.